Sister to Sister: Call and Response

[Comments]

Queen Bea,

...Yes.  I would love to reconnect....   [During this period of separation it has been] especially difficult to watch whatever clips I could get of you.  I rarely saw you smile.  So, I could not believe you were happy.  [Priestess] Gail, [Queen Mother] Munah, and [Priestess] Rene were often smiling and peaceful.  You always seemed so serious and in turmoil.

You seem much more peaceful now.

Love,

Your Sister

[Kwatamani]

Greetings My Sister:

For some reason, the comment that you made regarding my not smiling often and how you could not believe I was happy stuck in my mind.  Today, I understood why.

There are so many mental programs, fantasies and delusions about "happiness" and the pursuit of happiness.  When you meet that special someone, then, you're supposed to be happy.  Or when you get that dream house, or that particular job/career, or when you travel to that particular place, or, or, or .... then you are supposed to be happy.  And a person can spend his or her entire lifetime seeking happiness and never finding it, because that special someone turned out to be a disappointment, and the dream house, and the job and the travels and the experiences that one sought all turned out to be empty.  I lived that.  The relationships, the elite education, the international travel, the so-called status, all the degrees and labels and socio-economic/political causes couldn't make me happy or make me feel like I had any true purpose or direction in life.  And I was completely esteemless.  I felt so bad about myself inside.  Everything was about satisfying my ego, trying to impress someone or lying to myself so that I could feel more important.  For example, working out or running marathons and then telling myself that I felt a sense of accomplishment and confidence--yes, I run marathons, I am athletic or I have a "nice body" or I am "attractive."  And with all the hours running and at the gym, I still felt a sense of disgust about my body.  It was never enough.  That's just one example.  It was the same with Columbia.  I was allowed to enter and be among the "elite,"  I was one of the few, the brightest, yet I always felt insecure. And all the blessings that were just supposed to come to me as an ivy-league graduate did not come.  And I looked, with bitterness, because I sought the accolades, yet I was repulsed by what I saw as success.  The materialism, the emptiness, the selfishness, the greed, the isolation.

So over these years with the family, I have had to confront all the fantasies that I had about life.  And all the illusions that I had have been shattered.  And it's been a HELL of an experience.  It's taken sooo much to release those fantasies.  To strip away all the layers of a false personality, the facades, the deceptions, the masks, and just be raw and natural.  I don't know if you ever really listened to any of the CD's, but they are so powerful.  There's one song, "Do You Know What It Took?"  We came to this planet inter-connected with earth, wind, rain and sun, interconnected with each other--in peace, harmony, unity.  Creating.  Vibrating.  Growing.  In tune. For millions of years. And it took thousands upon thousands of years of constant and continuous attack, destruction, rape, murder, enslavement, etc. to break us down to a point where we have completely forgotten who we are.  I really felt like life owed me something.  I really expected life to be effortless. I really expected that I should have everything that I wanted in life and when it was not forthcoming, I was bitter.  I felt like I was special.  I felt like I was different.  More beautiful.  More conscious.  More righteous.  More dedicated.

Now I am beginning to get glimpses of what life is really all about.  I am not there yet, but I am finally beginning to confront reality.  Real Life is not effortless. You can only receive in life what you put out.  Reality is not about luck or fortune.  Food doesn't just appear on the table.  Someone has to grow it.  So, to get a wonderful meal, you've got to plant the seeds, water the soil, and it's not just you, because if earth, wind, rain and sun don't cooperate, you've got trouble, so you've got to harmonize with nature.  There's no, I did it.  Everything is a collective effort.  Then after it grows, you've got to wash it up, prepare it, etc. before you put it on the plate.  In the Western convenience culture, you just buy what you want.  There's no connection.  So you can eat without any thought of where the meal came from, whether it be from the Supreme Love energy of Life or from the murder/slaughter of another creature.  Since you're not the one going through all the steps to create the meal, then you become completely densensitized--with no caring for nature--the earth, wind, rain and sun that actually supports your life energy-- or densitized to the life of another being, just because you have a "craving" for a particular taste, a "Big Mac attack."  In the fantasy, there are no consequences.  Happiness is pleasure.  And the thing is, one can get pleasure from pursuits that are very corrupt and self-destructive.

So, My Sister, I wore a frown, because I felt like life had let me down.  And frankly, I just did not want to do the work.  I wanted great, harmonious relationships.  I wanted people to just do things for me.  I wanted everyone to like and love me.  But, I didn't care how I talked to someone when I didn't like what they did or said.  I had no problem reacting, going off.  I didn't like to share.  I would get irritated when someone called me unless it was what I wanted to do.  And just imagine dealing with a child!!!  Because, children don't understand all that.  They have needs.  They make demands which cannot be denied.  And you have to put your personal agenda to the side and address those needs.  Well, truthfully, that was just frustrating as hell to me.  So, I was NOT happy.  I was very bitter and disappointed in life.  It took me a process to realize that those who were experiencing great relationships were always caring, unselfish, honest, patient, tolerant and were very concerned about how they treated others.  So, to experience better relationships, I HAD TO DO THE WORK.  Finally, it dawned on me that YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK, or pay the consequences.  So, there was a period, where I wallowed for a while once I realized that I had to do the work, because I realized that I had a whole lot of consequences to pay from trying to avoid doing the work.  I kept saying to myself, "Wow, I really made a mess, and I have a lot of work.  Wow, I don't know if I want to do this or if I can do this."  Then finally, I began to do the work.  And it's been payback time ever since.

But the beautiful thing about life is when you do make positive and affirmative changes, you will get affirmative results.  And at first, it was like struggling against a tidal wave.  But there would be little signs, little kindnesses that showed that I was moving in the right direction. And the signs got more and more, and the positive experiences got more and more and the daily depression, aches and pains got less and less and less.  And I began to feel a little place deep inside myself.  A place of peace.  A place of security, and I began to feel a little bit of love and appreciation for myself.  And it's growing every day.  These things show me that it is possible.  The "Garden of Eden," peace on earth is possible.  In fact, it will happen, that's what the Kwatamani vibe is all about.  But, WE'VE GOT TO DO THE WORK.  And the work is MASSIVE.  MASSIVE. MASSIVE.  But, we are determined to DO THE WORK to make it possible, because it is a divine necessity.

So, I am still not "happy."  In fact, I'm far beyond that now.  I feel more at peace.  I feel less inner conflict and turmoil.  I am experiencing more unity within myself--one self-identity.  And, because I have a better relationship within myself, I am experience more loving, peaceful, harmonious and stable relationships with others.  And it's a process, so it is continuous and ongoing.  But, that's life....

In the Most Supreme Spirit of Love,


Queen Bea

[Comments]

Greetings Sister,

I truly over stand what u mean. Sometimes there is nothing really to smile about ..... Happiness is a state of mind and ones existence.. I appreciate U sharing with me something dear to your heart. As I read your words I could feel your pains........... I believe I have experience similar. Specially when it comes to school and being in the RIGHT company of people. I think that is why when deciding to finish college. I majored in Art and not what my FATHER wanted me to do.  Life is interesting... I just want u to know I love the communication between sisters.  U r Loved and appreciated

Sister R

 

[Divine Maati]

Greetings Readers,


As I fell and got back up as fast as I could, I realized more and more that this challenge to purge and toxic my brain, body and spirit was not as easy as I wanted it to be.  I never knew that within me was a deep rooted foundation of the death consumption opposite toxic energy that created a jinn that would fight back and wait for any moment to make a come back through a belief system of death in my brain.  I didn't realize how truly low my self esteem was brought into play and maintain by this system, and how my years of death consumption and its toxic energy had me unaware of being a emotional wreck, that allows me acts and actions that gaves me no one to blame, but myself.  I can think that it is unfair to have to adapt to the truth, and the fact that the confusions, illusions, plots, schemes and etc that dominate my brain, body and spirit are so real, that I could not expect a few years of eating raw and living fruits, vegetables, seeds, nuts, herbs and spices to end over 50 years of toxic waste and insanity I was living in and was living inside of me.

With all that, I have to give thanks to my ancestral spirit essence, that would not allow me to stay laying on the ground, knowing I hold the strength to began again the struggle to correct my life force energy vibrations and resurrect myself back into the loving reality that the truth is here and I must be apart of it in brain, body and spirit.  It seem like I didn't know how it all happens, almost like I had a back sit and could only watch and obey, at the time of my fall.  The pain and hurt created the greatest state of confusion and enslavement, that was working directly to end my focus on the holistic living truth I had found and are fighting this spiritual war to reserve in for my brain, body and spirit  consciousness.

My ancestral spirit loves truth so much, from the beginning of the time that I came into this divine truth and opportunity to resurrect, it remain in tack as the old program was running full force, boy what a hell of a program. Blessed be me for not wasting a bit of time buying the texts and the Kwatamani electrifying musical Cd's, I found my inner interest calling for it as fast as possible after coming into contact with this information, so that was a good thing to do to answer the ancestral call, never knowing I would come to face greater stubborn resistance from within.  So I had been using all the High Priest kwatamani holistic resource materials and still at the time did not know or understand that a greater challenges was on it's way to attempt to uproot my work and healing process, so I have to be very careful of everything I do, cause after all that happen while I was on the grounds of hell again and working to get myself together I heard loud and clear that the jinn is not far from me in anyway, and I know it will be a long time before it's powers with come to a end, as well as knowing it will take generations to end it.

I also give thanks for Queen Bea sharing with us concerning her not smiling, cause as people always say I am smiling and I so don't be aware of it, they have said I am to serious, between the two I believe my ancestral presence smile at my seriousness, even as I have been sick ever since I left my mother womb, yet I was given a strong will to over come the lies, the ideas and thoughts of escaping the unfairness in these systems and unnatural culture was always deep inside me. I remember at a very early age I began to question myself on why the sun tan children had not much of anything, and the pale children had so much more things it seem like, I asked myself and said "no matter what it takes or what I have to go through I want to know why", I was about age 9 and 12, just leaving the so called shelter of the Christan family that was my foster parents, who taught me the church thing,and at last I was sharing the freedom of living with my real parents home for good, meaning not as a visitor but a resident again and so it was.

I had been seeking the answer ever since then, and as I was also learning more of the ways and lifestyles of  lust, lies, illusions, confusion and deadly destruction as at the time death and dead ways, styles and habits was all this Pale Culture had to offer me.  So I feel cheated about much of the things I when through from childhood up to now.  I have like the rest of us, outside of the kwatamani Royal Family members,  been force to live the illusions and have been taught to believe in falsehood.  I know it was never meant for us to escape the Pale Curse upon us, but the truth is here and here to stay, so I have to keep moving into it as best as my spirit moves me into this divine resurrection sacred uprising to wash away the lies and set our spirits, brain and body free, all those of us who will choose the natural means of life energy from the sun, rain, wind, and earth producing the fruits, vegetables, seeds, nuts, herbs and spices, live and in living colors.

So I know the jinn in me is not gone and is waiting for more power, yet my ancestral presence is waiting for more raw and living truth, foods, patience, trust, divine humility from my brain, as I stand up to the delusions, schemes, plots, and fantasies from both within and outside of me.  I know the jinn speak louder since then before, always asking me to do unholistic things to myself, trying always to suck the whole life energy from me, and get it's deep seated program on  the run full force again, yes the grandmaster of deceit will not give up without a fight, so I use my liberty and ancestral reserve to support my ability to heal with the profound whole life force energy of divine consumption, to empower myself with the holistic living truth, so I can move out of this enslavement program set to get me to honour the deadly belief system of the death consumption culture ways and lifestyles, that I am seeking to get out of, using more actions as I learn more from my ancestral spirit presence.

The struggle is on, and I have to stand up to the false powers that want to pin me down with fake superiority.  I also thanks the sisters for sharing with us and allowing me to see through their eyes and experiences, for in this sharing I am able to understand this sacred uprising and the struggles before us.

Much love and thanks