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Re: The Real Deal is that Sister Ami Ra desperately need to heal

by awakenme

Re: The Real Deal is that Sister Ami Ra desperately need to heal

by SisterAmiRa

There truly are no excuses to deny oneself tender loving care. However, I witnessed my mind seeking out excuses to inflict harsh and hostile abuse through mental antagonism and emotional unrest. All the while I hear the harmonious echoes of the High Priest asking “ Why do you continue to deny your truest self? Why do you manifest expressions opposite your divine and innate nature?” My defensive replies has always been on account of someone else’s actions with out really reflecting on the reality that I have been programmed and conditioned towards self denial, self hatred, and self abuse. I have been conditioned to buckle, fall and dethrone my spirit presence after consuming  trigger words and expressions. Sad  but true if someone call me a bitch I will begin barking.

I’ve been hearing word sounds coming from myself referring to being enslaved, controlled, and shackled and I must bear witness that it is a deceitful pail lie to say that my bondage is due to someone else’s actions and expressions. My bondage is due to my refusal to surrender my battered and confused mind to the holistic living truth about supreme love. For it is clear based on many dysfunctional encounters I have been conditioned to engage in death consumption through hostile and contentious attitudes and behaviors. My idea of what a strong woman “is” is completely warped and tainted and has caused me to surrender my innate and natural femininity. And growing up worshiping a jealous male god seem to have caused my mind to be that jealous male god.  Yes, I have been conditioned to think that a feminine spirit presence is weak.

I squirm when it is expressed to me that my strength is in humility, silence and acceptance of where everyone stand in their struggle. And when I look at what causes me to squirm I find a control freak trying to mold and shape my existence according to fantasies and illusions accumulating within my mind. Fantasies such as Cinderella and Prince Charming. Illusions about what happiness is and how it is acquired. And as I go about seeking to manifest expressions of fantasies and illusions I place my whole life out of natural order, circumvent natural processes, prematurely engage in certain acts, and become entrapped in a chaotically confused depiction of life.

Humility, I comprehend it as an acknowledgment of the Most Supreme Unseen. My mind can only depict what it thinks something should look like, feel like, taste like, smell like but my mind does not know, it cannot see the unseen forces forwarding life. Fear replaces humility when one is not surrendered to life. And thus everything one encounters in fear is the result of a very controlled, confined and sterile circumstance - an unwholesome and incomplete occurrence.

The conflict in my life truly derived from trying to control an outcome out of fear. But truly this control freak mentality has me dealing with an unnatural situation and circumstance. In my own perspective I am immaturely responsible for to much because I did not allow myself to fully and naturally ripen. Yes I am a slave, I am a slave to what my fears has created.

Many of the Royal expressions I have consumed are starting to ring clear. For instance, I understand why I must start implementing divine acts and requirements of a holistic living way of life right where I am. There is no place that would make my woes melt away, there is no magical potion that will heal all my aches and pains, and there is no spell that would cause me to break the dormancy of my creative, harmonious, beautifully feminine self. I must start where I am because the place where I am did not create my current state and condition. My state and condition created the place that I am in. Thus I must address my state and condition. And what I am beginning to comprehend is that my moving forward, growing beyond, and evolving begins with developing supreme love for self.

And there really are no excuses…

Re: The Real Deal is that Sister Ami Ra desperately need to heal

by sisterjasmine

Greetings Sister Ami Ra,

After reading your last post, particularly the part "And when I look at what causes me to squirm I find a control freak trying to mold and shape my existence according to fantasies and illusions accumulating within my mind. Fantasies such as Cinderella and Prince Charming. Illusions about what happiness is and how it is acquired. And as I go about seeking to manifest expressions of fantasies and illusions I place my whole life out of natural order, circumvent natural processes, prematurely engage in certain acts, and become entrapped in a chaotically confused depiction of life." This is very well expressed and expresses toxic thoughts and actions I do, so I feel the need to share something that I have been vibrating on for the last few days.

In my last 2 sessions with the High Priest Kwatamani and Royal Priest Gail Kwatamani he asked me several times why I thought I should get my way (paraphrase) and at the time I realized the surface reasons (junk like light skinned, cute, yatty yatty...) but I knew there was more because realizing these reasons had not helped me release this programming. Yes, I was able to acknowledge it and see the toxicity in it but I did not feel the whole change in attitude (like when you get an answer to a question and there is no doubt). We had also talked several times about my victim mentality (feeling like I was a victim when I don’t get my way). For three days I marinated on what the High Priest Kwatamani and Royal Priest Gail Kwatamani had said. After a conversation about my "My way" program I realized I still did not know why I had not released this program. As I was vibrating on it, I realized that I felt the “Universe revolved around me” or I controlled the Most Supreme Unseen & Seen (a definite god complex). This is the only way I could try to “mold and shape my existence” or get upset, etc. Or just as importantly try to control and blame others. I did not walk around saying “I control the Universe”, etc., think about it in these terms or snap my finger and expect magic but I did expect, want, and work very hard to get my way and would get upset when I did not. After realizing this and changing my actions based on this I find it easier to just flow with things and not get upset and I am even starting to look for ways to humble myself to myself and be happy when and ask Brother Sebastian to make more decisions. One of the sad things about holding on to this program this long is that the High Priest Kwatamani speaks so much about the “god complex” in Exposing the Ice-Cold, Deep-Freeze Mentality and Whole-Life Healing of Sexual Energy within the Divine Parallel... And the Sacred Resurrection of the Divine Garden Culture, but I ignored the fact that I was a perfect Wholistic Living example of this. I totally know I need to do so much more work to completely release this program, because I have definitely wallowed and “consume from {this} satanic cup”¹ for a very long time.

Two others things that the High Priest Kwatamani and Royal Priest Gail Kwatamani shared with me that are sooo super duper important are 1) I had not begun to heal and actually I was “shaking and faking” pretending to heal because I had not fully exposed all the skeletons in my closet even though they see them clearly. They informed me that I had wasted the many opportunities I had communicated with them over the last year and an half. 2) And that I need to come straight “Raw” when communicating with them. After hearing this, my vibration about communicating with them has definitely change (changing), it feels easier to communicate with them and not pretend or worry about how I am being seen (because my energy consumptions is what is being seen) or if my faking is fooling anyone into forgetting divine Order and letting me get my way out of Divine Order. Now I want to communicate honestly and get straight to the point so that I can get Divine Clarity so I can release my toxic programs and heal. Once again I got a lot of work in this area because I have spent most of my life “shaking and faking” and even during the last year plus I have just added layers of toxicity onto what I had compiled before encountering the Kwatamani Vibration because I faked and shaked instead of just coming to heal.

Another very important topic we discussed during my last two sessions was my whole root motivation (reason) to heal and the fact that it has to be in Divine Order. My motivation to heal showed in how and why I came in the Vibration and everything else has been built on this foundation. A question I had to address (and still addressing) within myself is, is my motivation to heal enough for me to focus and work to heal every second of the day. Does it allow me to make healing my top priority of the day and does it motivate me to take every opportunity to reject my lost & astray programmed mind? As I wrote this last paragraph, I really understood what you meant when you said “…I understand why I must start implementing divine acts and requirements of a holistic living way of life right where I am.” And why you expressed a realization of needing to stop being delusional about being someone else or in a different situation and develop supreme love for self.

“It gave me divine clarity and strength to recognize my spiritual Self and prepare for the arduous task which followed-deprogramming the chaos and confusion from my brain.”

Citation:
1) Poetic quote by the High Priest Kwatamani in The Divine Gathering of the Sacred Few Through a Holistic Living Way of Life

2) A powerful reminder by Royal Priestess Rene` Kwatamani in The Divine Gathering of the Sacred Few Through a Holistic Living Way of Life

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