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Confessions of a Healing Toxicity Addict About My Greatest Challenge in Over...

by sisterjasmine

I wrote The High Priest Kwatamani's Divine Spirit conscious quote "Those who should have the most reason to reject the death consumption plague actually grip, grapple and hold on to the most fatal vibrations and sensations of the death consumption culture until death do they part."¹ and my response "It is so fatally sad that {I} procrastinate, hesitate and wait. {I} have to be pushed, forced and dragged. {I} crawl and shuffle instead of running, jumping and avoiding the death consumption culture." because they are good reminders for all weak and feeble spirits but I was really focused on how much they apply to ME. So when I saw this question yesterday I was very excited because it paralleled some vibrations I have been having and I knew I needed to really focus on being totally honest and sincere when answering it. While writing I had trouble expressing myself clearly. I realized it is because despite my work to detox and purge I am in denial about the consequences of my continued toxic consumption and its consequences. My denial is the only way I could continue to deplete my Whole Life Presence by not Consuming Whole Life Energy after having consumed so much of The High Priest Kwatamani's Divine Interventionary Message through the Dynamic Kwatamani Holistic Living Resources and speaking to The High Priest Kwatamani & The Kwatamani Royal Family. My denial is Totally Insane because I am starting to see the Death Consumption Culture so clearly and have had the Wonderful Opportunity to Totally Focus On Healing provided by The High Priest Kwatamani & The Kwatamani Royal Family and The Kwatamani Divine Socio-Economic Family Community.

The High Priest has made our two options so Divinely Clear, either LIVE THE HOLISTIC LIVING TRUTH ABOUT SUPREME LOVE" or "commit Spiritual suicide" in the death consumption culture. The depleted, devitalized and dead consequences of toxic consumption are all around us and I have experienced so much of it. Even after having a neighbor recently ask me to give him "a blow job" I still have not HUMBLED MYSELF TO THE HOLISTIC LIVING TRUTH ABOUT SUPREME and ".made a TOTAL AND ABSOLUTE COMMITMENT TO A HOLISTIC LIVING WAY OF LIFE IN MY ACTIONS AND DEEDS"². Yes, I know I have been a victim of the death consumption culture for many life cycles, but I continue to "lick the hand that beats me", so I absolutely know my greatest challenge in overcoming toxic habits, attitudes, beliefs, relationships ad other addictive, depleted and devitalized consumption patterns is ME!
"To stuck, to stagnant, to passive and to set in hers ways. Ways that are means to maintain the good ol' slavery days, so sister has become a personal tool to intensify the low.low.low down dirty blues."³

I could write a huge list of what I want and think I need to heal, complaints, justifications, rationalizations, excuses and lies but each and everyone of them would began with "I". Recently The High Priest Kwatamani told me that "I refuse to give up wanting to feel good" and this is so absolutely True. I refuse to Focus On and Do the Absolute Best for My Whole Life Presence (Brain, Body and Spirit) and be Happy and Glorify in the opportunity to do so all the time. I have not "Shown {the} Heart" ⁴ to Activate My Will Power to LIVE the WHOLISTIC LIVING TRUTH ABOUT SUPREME LOVE. And of course, toxic consumption is its own stimulation, response and consequence; the more I consume it, the more I want it (because my toxic consumption depletes my Whole Life Presence causing me feel low and to look for the next "hit" to feel better) and so I consume larger doses of toxicity depleting my Whole Life Presence even more. And because of the cycling and recycling of energy, all the toxicity that I consume comes out of me, and because of the Universal Order of Reciprocation, it comes back to me, and because Energy is Alive and growing, the toxicity comes back to me worse. It is a vicious downward spiral and up until recently I was wearing skates, but thanks to the Spirit-moving and Glorious Divine Guidance and Divine Nurturing of The High Priest Kwatamani & The Kwatamani Royal Family I am starting to clearly evaluate my Whole Life Presence based on My Energy Consumption. Allowing me to begin the very large task of completely purging every toxic particle out of my physical temple and purging every very toxic vibration in my memory bank, but until I make every effort to climb up the spiral I will to continue to take one step forward to take two steps backwards. This dance depletes my spirit, not allowing my Spirit to grow and mature causing me to continue to feel like a victim to myself and feel toxic vibrations of the death consumption culture including depression, confusion, anger and frustration. These vibrations are just small reminders of How Much I Really Need To Heal and How Much Healing I Need, but as a Child of the Sun with a Divine Sacred Garden Culture Origin with the Responsibility to Multiply Divinity I can not wallow in self-pity. I have to stop erecting obstacles to My long overdue Resurrection and work tenaciously to climb over the obstacles I have already built. The Bottom line is I have the Powerful Tools and Ancestral Ability and
"DIVINE ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS".⁵

Citations:
1) By The High Priest Kwatamani in The Holistic Living Truth About Supreme Love ... And the Sacred Resurrection of the Divine Garden Culture Book 3: Resurrecting Divine Spirit Consciousness

2) By The High Priest Kwatamani in The Holistic Living Truth About Supreme Love ... And the Sacred Resurrection of the Divine Garden Culture Book 3: Resurrecting Divine Spirit Consciousness

3) Song By Royal Priestess Gail Kwatamani on the CD Supernatural Healing Serum Dose Two

4) By The High Priest Kwatamani on the CD Conjuring Ancestral Spirit Consciousness

5) By The High Priest Kwatamani in Exposing the Ice-Cold, Deep-Freeze Mentality and Whole Life Healing of Sexual Energy within the Divine Parallel . and the Sacred Resurrection of the Divine Garden Culture

The Real Deal is that Sister Ami Ra desperately need to heal

by SisterAmiRa

During my encounters and ongoing experiences with the kwatamani Royal Family, my spiritual mate and others who strive to emerge within the Kwatamani vibration it has become very apparent that I am mentally corrupt, psychotic, neurotic, sick and afflicted. Realizing these truths about my state and condition as a result of what I have assimilated and adopted from my encounters within the death consumption culture I fall into wishful thinking. " I wish I had this", "I wish I did this", " I wish I was like this." and as I look around at individuals who have what I wish a had, do what I wish I could do or did, know what I wish I could know and so forth, I very subtly become envious and jealous and further ashamed of my own state and condition. Then I go into questioning why? And subsequently I become very depressed, insecure, and ashamed of myself.

I have found that I still entertain delusions about the death consumption culture with thoughts of if I had this I would be better off. If my momma did this, if my daddy did that, If I was more stable, ect.. I would be better off when now I must except the truth that any tampering of the energy that is opposite of supreme love will have severely damaging affects on me. But more deeply I question why I couldn't have been born as the High Priest's daughter and had my purity preserved, my self of esteem developed, and dignity.

Oppose to humbling myself so that I can receive all of the necessary help I need to undergo deep healing I engage in mental masturbation of wishful thinking. Further, because I don't want to be sick and afflicted I try to muster up enough strength to appear well - and when it is exposed voluntarily or involuntarily that I am really messed up in the head and others point it out I began to justify or spiritualize why? And it is these whys? That leaves me mentally exhausted and completely confused. What just came to mind is the mind maze that the High Priest speaks of. A mad scientist trying to examine why I am mad and this process is very depleting.

I must have a very strong spirit to have made it before the High Priest and the Royal Sisterhood as a student because my mind is really caught up in the idea of being seen. Subtly I hear "Look at me aren't I great." I experience the yearning for approval, acceptance, and applaud. Further, I did not step into this vibration to heal because I came forward under the illusion that I was healed. My spirit must be even stronger for me to have stuck around long enough for it to become blatantly obvious to myself what was blatantly obvious to everyone else that I need to heal. I rushed and took responsibilities very prematurely because I thought I was ready - healing first did not even enter my mind.

Even as I encountered problems and would run to the High Priest for help I never really thought that the problems I was undergoing was because I was trying to do something I was not ready for and further I simply pointed the finger outward and portrayed myself as a victim who was tricked and trapped.

I stumbled into this vibration for all the wrong reasons and it is a wonder that I am still here. Truthfully, I feel that it was not on account of me that had got me this far. I owe it to my spiritual mate, Brother Erroll, whom had stocked up enough patience, humility and love to prevent total and absolute collapse long enough for me to be able to see my state and condition and realize that I truly need to heal. It is clear to me that I came forward without an ounce of humility and a massive ego, with an arrogant, cocky and vain mentality. Further, I don't even believe I crossed paths with this vibration on account of myself. I crossed paths with this vibration with my son's physical health on the fore front of my mind.

Exposure has really thrown my mind into a tizzy and yes I went into denial and cover up mode immediately - lacking humility. But when I take a look at my self I squirm and squench. My state and condition is not more offensive then my lack of humility and the way I carried myself undignified and the errors that I made. I rejected so much needed help because my ego personality thought I had it figured out.

I am very grateful that the Kwatamani Royal Family and Brother Erroll never abandoned me because I know if I had stepped once again into the death consumption culture I would have found myself in the mental ward of the insane asylum. I have experienced too much psychological abuse and trauma to even be functional within the death consumption culture and prior to the Kwatamani Experience I was having a hard time climbing any social ladder and my psychotic tendencies and episodes were very repulsive.

The Real Deal is that Sister Ami Ra desperately need to heal!!!

Re: The Real Deal is that Sister Ami Ra desperately need to heal

by sisterjasmine

Greetings Sister Ami Ra and ALL,

Once again your expressions are thought provoking, beautiful and humorous. I definitely know what you are saying because I have had similar thoughts and experiences. We all "desperately need to heal"! Thankfully THE HOLISTIC LIVING TRUTH ABOUT SUPREME LOVE and The High Priest Kwatamani ARE Here!

Love,
Sister Jasmine

Re: The Real Deal is that Sister Ami Ra desperately need to heal

by SisterAmiRa

Greetings,

I find the need to acknowledge another toxic habit that I have been engaging in.  I have developed a very Strong drive to be defensive. I have observed myself while I am being instructed, spoken to about something someone sees in my behavior and my first responds always tend to either be; No!!, But I wasn't!!!, But I didn't!!! and further my tongue begins to rumble as I try to create a justification, a defense, or an alibi. It is clear that this habit is a result of being in denial, because it shows the unwillingness to sincerely examine myself. The unwillingness to face the Holistic Living Truth about Supreme Love. The unwillingness to heal.

Additionally, I don't like to listen to anyone pointing out my wrongs and immediately began questioning within my head, Why is he or she talking to me like that, don't he or she see that I am trying? I experience the urge to point the finger and rebuttal. These are the times when I should be seeking humility and the strength to close my mouth and just listen and observe. Today, I had this very same challenge. Although I wanted to talk back I found the strength to just be quiet. It allowed me to examine my rebuttals and refutes. However, most importantly it allowed me to identify what was being spoken of as the toxic vibration just started oozing like pus from an infected wound.

The profound reality about seeking to consume divinely, it becomes increasingly challenging trying to ignore, and not see myself. The voice of my Spirit presence is becoming increasingly stronger. So when I am not receiving another I experience my own spirit presence pointing things out and questioning my behavior. At this point to continue to be in denial and defensive would be a sign of my refusal to obtain holistic health.

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